[She doesn't really even know what sort of things Derek had been through before when he was here. The few conversations they had didn't actually have words in them. There was a lot of him being frustrated with her and she feels like a majority of the people from Beacon Hills get that way with her. Isaac and her get along, which is probably due mostly to how close she grew to him before she experienced the bite back home. It's what she can at least fall back on - that she had friends and good things before all the horrible things.]
I am okay, Derek. I'm happy too. I... I came here with nothing. I had a family that spent more time worrying about me and trying to make choices for me than actually looking at what I was going through. I had classmates that made fun of me and harassed me. I showed up here and there were expectations that I was supposed to be the werewolf girl that they knew.
I just ... I wasn't. It took me a long time to build up from the experiences I had, but I did it on my own. I didn't need the bite here, because people didn't treat me like some thing. I made friends, I had healers fix me. So I didn't have to worry about seizures here.
I grew stronger with Isaac's help and Scott's help. You were here, but we just didn't connect. I didn't understand anything about pack or being a werewolf and it felt like you would just look right past me. Waiting for some different Erica to show up.
[She glances to him, hoping that he at least understands what she's saying. She never got to explain it to Derek before - but he also never seemed to want to be told all the things she had to do on her own. He wanted to be the one she needed and she didn't want to need him, because he always made her feel like she wasn't enough.]
Then everyone found out that I die and that's all anyone saw. When I went back home, I realized how quickly it's all going to happen.
I had ten more minutes before you came to me in that hospital and then I had a month before I was back here. I left off at the rave. I watched you make Stiles break the line of mountain ash to save Scott. I watched you pick Scott, over letting us out of the same trap that had the Kanima in it.
[It might not have been the whole story, but coming back here it was how she reflected back on it.]
You tried, once, but after that you were gone and whatever you and Isaac sorted out before you left was on better terms than where we were.
[She figures that was partly on her shoulders.]
So, I know I didn't have to tell you that and it probably isn't going to help either, but I want you to know that it wasn't because I didn't need you to help me -- that's not why I don't like you. It's because that's all you wanted to be. You wanted to be the alpha to a girl who didn't need one anymore.
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I am okay, Derek. I'm happy too. I... I came here with nothing. I had a family that spent more time worrying about me and trying to make choices for me than actually looking at what I was going through. I had classmates that made fun of me and harassed me. I showed up here and there were expectations that I was supposed to be the werewolf girl that they knew.
I just ... I wasn't. It took me a long time to build up from the experiences I had, but I did it on my own. I didn't need the bite here, because people didn't treat me like some thing. I made friends, I had healers fix me. So I didn't have to worry about seizures here.
I grew stronger with Isaac's help and Scott's help. You were here, but we just didn't connect. I didn't understand anything about pack or being a werewolf and it felt like you would just look right past me. Waiting for some different Erica to show up.
[She glances to him, hoping that he at least understands what she's saying. She never got to explain it to Derek before - but he also never seemed to want to be told all the things she had to do on her own. He wanted to be the one she needed and she didn't want to need him, because he always made her feel like she wasn't enough.]
Then everyone found out that I die and that's all anyone saw. When I went back home, I realized how quickly it's all going to happen.
I had ten more minutes before you came to me in that hospital and then I had a month before I was back here. I left off at the rave. I watched you make Stiles break the line of mountain ash to save Scott. I watched you pick Scott, over letting us out of the same trap that had the Kanima in it.
[It might not have been the whole story, but coming back here it was how she reflected back on it.]
You tried, once, but after that you were gone and whatever you and Isaac sorted out before you left was on better terms than where we were.
[She figures that was partly on her shoulders.]
So, I know I didn't have to tell you that and it probably isn't going to help either, but I want you to know that it wasn't because I didn't need you to help me -- that's not why I don't like you. It's because that's all you wanted to be. You wanted to be the alpha to a girl who didn't need one anymore.